MY CULTURAL ATTACHE

Just Jared
Have you ever wondered what you looked like relative to other people?  I sometimes do, and there is where Reese Witherspoon comes in.  Reese seems pretty down to earth as celebrities go, she goes to Paris more than I do, and she can also indulge herself by going shopping at whatever store is associated with that large orange shopping bag.  Hermes?   Most importantly, Reese is 5’2″ which is my height, and this allows me to virtually place myself everywhere she appears. 
People Magazine
For example,
This is what I would look like walking next to Jake Gyllenhaal, if I were to ever meet Jake, he were to be attracted to me, and we were to date.  Good God, he’s huge. 
Reese also helps me know what clothes to avoid, and what clothing choices might work on me, without my having to get off my couch and try things on myself.     
On the other end of the spectrum, Salma Hayek is also 5’2″ and this should be included in this post as equally important information.  However, Salma is way way way too sexy and…um…let’s say that my proportions are different than hers.*
* Do I have to spell it out?  Salma is curvy as all hell on a tiny little frame!  She confounds all laws of nature.  I do not confound any of nature’s laws.  I obey them. 
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