I’ve never wanted to be a bridesmaid.  Is that odd?  I have friends who get very excited, and some people consider it an honor to be a part of the bridal party.  I understand the feeling of belonging, of being part of your friend’s big day.  I want my friends to be happy.  It just happens that this part of friendship seems to come with a lot of work and money.  Traditionally, and I might be wrong here, you have to:

  • buy the bridesmaid dress
  • pay for dress alterations
  • organize and pay for the bridal shower, including travel and accommodations + gift for bride
  • organize and pay for the bachelorette party, including travel and accommodations + gift for bride
  • wedding gift

That seems like a lot of money and work, and I would feel awful making my friends do that, and on the other hand, I wouldn’t feel bad if I didn’t have to.

That aside, my friend told me that she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid because she remembered how we had discussed how much it would suck to be a bridesmaid and she didn’t want to put me on the spot.  It’s true that I wouldn’t have refused – I would be a asshole jerk if I said no. It’s an opportunity to help a friend, and when a friend asks for help, you just give.  And pony up.

As a further aside, whenever I think “bridesmaid,” I think “handmaiden,” that old hag that had to brush the beautiful princess’s hair late at night after a day full of royal princessian activities, at which time the handmaiden had had to clean the royal bedchamber. This is pretty much how I would picture myself during the wedding festivities – swanning around as part of a match set of bridal accessories in some ugly satin number with a train that drags along the floor.  Probably strapless. 


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